thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Randomize