Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
he shaved USA in his pubs
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
