Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
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