I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
