She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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