Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize
