If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
Randomize
