is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
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