Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
