you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
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