I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
