Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
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