covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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