were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
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