The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
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