She is in my trunk
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
We have so much sex to catch up on
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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