i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Randomize
