and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Randomize
