i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
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