do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Randomize
