I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Randomize
