I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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