His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Randomize
