so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
Its about making memories worth repressing
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Randomize
