My cat gives me a boner
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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