I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Randomize
