"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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