we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
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