I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
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