Are we in a gay sports bar?
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize
