i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
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