If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Randomize
