We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
false alarm, still single
Randomize