he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
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