I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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