I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
Church boner. Awkwardddd
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Randomize
