i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
love makes seman taste better
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
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