I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
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