I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
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