The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
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