My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
