just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Randomize
