i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
