When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
you would pick up someone in the library
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Randomize
