Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Randomize
