Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
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