she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
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