I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
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