Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
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