Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Randomize
