I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
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