woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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