Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
