That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
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