I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
