I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Randomize
