half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
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