whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize