stop calling my apartment porn island.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
how do you play pong handcuffed?
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
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