I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
