i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
