How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
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