New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
