Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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