she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
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